I was in my first real job, 20 stories up in a brown-paneled midtown office building. After two years of recession-forced freelancing, at last I was employed. But, there was something else I needed.
First day, there had been a few hours of HR paperwork.The I-9 form. W-4. Medical/Dental plan. Retirement savings. Life Insurance: 20 thousand dollars to a beneficiary if I was killed on the job. I put down my Mom as the beneficiary.
I was taken to a room where my picture was taken and few minutes later sent on with a laminated ID card. I was taken to my boss’s office. He talked to me with his arms folded behind his head. He gave me my instructions, told me how I was taking on the job he used to do. He showed me my office: a desk, filing cabinet, computer, and a window looking out on a brown-paneled office building.
Then my boss took me on a tour of the floor to meet my new colleagues. I smiled, shook hands, tried to think of some mnemonic system to remember their names, failed.
I spent that afternoon and the next day learning the basics: how to work the copy machine, send a fax, set up the phone. But, I was still missing something. I went home at night and back to work in the morning on crowded subways, staring into the spaces between people, thinking about all this new experience.
The third day, it happened. I was standing in the doorway of my office, having a conversation with a couple of my new colleagues. A few others came down the hall, joined in. It was me, Stephen, Andrew, Mildred, Sean, and Marguerite. Next thing I knew I was entertaining them with some story, and they were laughing and nodding their heads.
I don’t know what story it was. Maybe the one about getting stuck in the blizzard on I-80 in remote Pennsylvania. Maybe the one about the foulmouthed barefoot woman at the hot dog stand. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that my friends were listening to me and responding, making me feel validated. That’s what I needed.
When you talk to clients, customers, members or employees: are you listening to their stories in a way they know you are listening? Are you validating their stories, and them? Few things are as powerful as simply listening, responding with enthusiasm, and validating.